Harry and Legolas To Shag or Not To Shag?
by Mutantkillerfrog
Summary: Harry ends up in Middle Earth, Harry meets Legolas, Legolas tries to kill Harry, They shag..Like my plot line?


Quick Authors note: This story was writte when I was completely exhausted and extremely hyper on like 2 bottles of 2 liter cokes, so be prepared for a serious wacky, insane story!!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did any character mentioned would have so many issues it would be scary.  
  
Harry and Legolas; to shag or not to shag?  
  
Narrator: Our story begins with our two character just meeting.  
  
Harry: Holy freaking neon yellow sea monkeys, you've got pointed ears.  
  
Legolas: I am an elf  
  
Harry: Your a house elf?  
  
Legolas: I am an elf, not a house elf. An ELF. E.L.F.  
  
Harry: A what?  
  
Legolas: elf  
  
Harry: I didn;t know there was such things as elves. Wait where am I?  
  
Legolas: *fingers bow lovingly* Middle Earth  
  
Harry: Middle what?  
  
Legolas: Middle Earth, you bloody annoying man-child.  
  
Harry: I am not a child. Why did you call me a man? Aren't you a man?  
  
Legolas: OH DEAR VALAR! No, I am an elf!  
  
Harry: Like a house elf?  
  
Legolas: No, not like a house elf. What the hell is a house elf anyways?  
  
Harry: A house elf is a short, strange little ugly creature that pretty much acts like a slave, and willingly too.  
  
Legolas: I am appalled you would think me such a creature, I am NOT ugly. My name is Legolas Greenleaf, crowned prince of the Mirkwood elves.  
  
Harry: Cool. So your really an elf. Not a house elf?  
  
Legolas:Yes I am an elf  
  
Harry: So your not a house el-  
  
Legolas: I AM NOT A HOUSE ELF ALREADY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!!!!?!!!!!!  
  
Harry: So your not a house elf?  
  
Legolas: *whimpers* What have I done to deserve this?  
  
Harry: So your not a house elf?  
  
Legolas: *pulls out his bow and loads it* say that one more time  
  
Harry: Why? We've already established your not a house elf.  
  
Legolas: *cries weakly* Why me? Why not the dwarf?  
  
Harry: You know a dwarf? Cool. Are they really short?  
  
Legolas: *puts away his bow* Now that's a subject I like. Yes Gimbli's really very short and has a horrible temper.  
  
Harry: Cool, so he's really short  
  
Legolas: Very, really short  
  
Harry: How short?  
  
Legolas: less then 4 feet.  
  
Harry: Wow, that's really short  
  
Legolas: Very short  
  
Harry: So do you know any other short people?  
  
Legolas: Well there are the hobbits.  
  
Harry: Hobbits?  
  
Legolas: Hobbits are about the size of a human child, full grown and they got really big, hairy feet.  
  
Harry: Cool. Really hairy?  
  
Legolas: Really hairy  
  
Harry: Strange. That reminds me of someone I know.  
  
Legolas: Really? Who?  
  
Harry: My friend Ron  
  
Legolas: He's tiny and hairy?  
  
Harry: In more ways then one.  
  
Legolas: What do you mean?  
  
Harry: Well, let's just say he likes to boast about things that aren't true. He's trying to make up for something.  
  
Legolas: Oh....Ohhhh. I know exactly what you mean. My friend Aagorn is always boasting about his manhood. It's nothing compared to what he says it is.  
  
Harry: *snickers*  
  
Legolas: They're all the same. If they boast they're trying to make up for something  
  
Harry: I've never boasted  
  
Legolas: Neither have I. I don't need to. If one finds out, everyone else knows within the hour.  
  
Harry: Isn't that the truth.  
  
Legolas: Soooo How big are you?  
  
Harry: I don't boast  
  
Legolas: You don't have to boast, you can just tell me.  
  
Harry: Rather see?  
  
Legolas: Sure.  
  
Harry: *shows his enormous manhood*  
  
Legolas: Oh Valar  
  
Harry: *still has pants around his ankles* Let's see yours  
  
Legolas: *shows his not a big, but still enormous elfhood*  
  
Harry: Nice  
  
Legolas: Wanna shag?  
  
Harry: Fuck yah  
  
Narrator: That's as far as it gets. No sexy elf on Harry scenes. This story isn't NC-17. Maybe next time. Yummy, Elf on Harry  
  
Legolas: That's the best shag I've ever had, even better then that time with Arwen.  
  
Harry: Why thank you. You weren't so bad yourself.  
  
Legolas: You wanna do it again?  
  
Harry: Yah!  
  
Narrator: Don't you just hate those authors who cut off right at the good part? Oh wait that's me. Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!  
  
Harry: So the points are really just a decoration? You really don't have enhanced hearing?  
  
Legolas: Unfortunately, Yes but I've got amazing eyesight.  
  
Harry: *snickers* The better to see you with, my dear.  
  
Legolas: What?  
  
Harry: Sorry, it's a line from an old children's book.  
  
Legolas: Oh  
  
Harry: So you wanna shag?  
  
Narrator: I know I know, but I just had to do t one more time. Humor the lazy narrator. Now lets go see what the boys are up to.  
  
Legolas: Oh Harry that feels so good  
  
Harry: Your not the only one feeling it.  
  
Legolas: Uhh, harder  
  
Harry: I'm trying. Your lying on your stomach weird. I can't get the spot.  
  
Legolas: *shifts body slightly* Better?  
  
Harry: Yah  
  
Legolas: Oh Valar, where'd you learn to do this?  
  
Harry: My friend, Hermione taught me everything I know  
  
Legolas: She must be an expert  
  
Harry: Yah, Guru Hermione. The best damn masuse there is.  
  
Narrator: Oh come off it, you didn't actually think thay were haveing sex? OH MY GOD you did!! Mwahahahaha, I love leading you on.  
  
Legolas: So that big, swirly, green portal thingy is here to take you back to your world?  
  
Harry: Yah  
  
Legolas: Do you have to go? You were the best shag I've ever had. Way better then Boromir. I don't want you to go.  
  
Harry: Okay  
  
Legolas: What?  
  
Harry: Okay, You're a great shag, better then anyone at home. Besides I got a crazy mass murder of a father after my head.  
  
Legolas: Father?  
  
Harry: Yah, my mom cheated on her husband with Voldemort, the Token Bad Guy at the moment. I accidently killed him when I was a little over a year old and now he's back and wants my blood.  
  
Legolas: Weird. So your staying? Cool. He's staying.  
  
Portal: What? I had to travel over 6 different fandoms to get here! All for what? Nothing! He's coming if I have to drag him back. *tentacles of magic shot out and wrap themselves around Harry and pulls him in before Legolas can do anything. The Portal closes*  
  
Legolas: Well shit  
  
Narrator: Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! Legoland lost his Pothead. Will they be reunited or will they have to settle for second rate shags? They probably will, unless this lazy authoress gets off her ass and writes a sequel!!  
  
The End....Or is it?? 


End file.
